This is my little scaredy cat. Her name is Stella. About a year ago we brought two little kittens home from an animal shelter. When we brought them home they were both a bit scared, but we did everything we could to help them adapt to their new circumstances. Both of these little girls came with different background stories and my assumptions based on their past drew me to the conclusion that the other kitten would have a harder time. I have found quite the opposite to be reality.
Stella tries to run and hide from all sorts imaginary dangers. It is amazingly difficult for her to trust the world to be safe. It takes intentionally seeking her out and holding her close over and over on a daily basis for her to begin to believe that I don't intend harm to her. Any sudden movement or noise sends her running for safety. A very interesting thing I have noticed is that if I cover her eyes when she is scared, she begins to relax a little. It seems like she thinks if she can't see us, we can't see her. I guess this could be like a kid hiding under their blankets so the monster under the bed can't get them.
To continue trying to grow trust with this little kitten has required unending tenderness and patience. To try and minimize the things that send her running in fear. To walk around with her inside my sweatshirt, so she can hide her eyes when she gets scared. I continue to go to great lengths to try and strengthen her trust, to get her to believe that I love her and won't intentionally hurt her. Even my kids get really quiet when we are calling her inside, in hopes that she will be willing to come. I spend a lot of time with this cat talking to her ever so gently, hoping there will come a time when my voice will seem safe to her, as opposed to just another sound to run from. I pursue the heart of this cat everyday, even when I am not seeing any progress. I continue to love her just as she is in a hope that someday life will feel better for her.
My point in all of this is very simple. If I can love a cat in this way, why do I find myself impatient with loving humans to this extent. I have relentlessly pursued the heart of this cat for an entire year with very minimal progress, but instead of seeing what she still in unable to do, I feel joy when she approaches me. Why is it so easy to get discouraged in continually reaching into the heart of people? Will I pursue the hearts of the ones I love with the same consistency? Will I really go to any length to reinforce trust? Even on the days that it seems one sided? Will I find joy in the baby steps of progress even if it is not yet to the grand idea of how it could be? Will I really love without expectation of reciprocation? Or am I going to pull away with pretend indifference and sit in hurt feelers?
I think my own life would be dramatically different if I could love others the way I love this cat. If all that mattered was pursuing their heart and taking baby steps of building trust. If my hopes were not set on being loved and pursued by anyone, be that friends, kids, husband, or cats. We are designed to be in relationship with others, to desire to know and be known by others. Some days to have this desire irritates me. Opening my heart, I act a bit like this scared cat. To live with an open heart in a world of imperfect people, means that it will hurt at times. Other times I'll get scared of being hurt even when there is no real danger and I will run and hide, or maybe stay put but hide my eyes like this cat, that maybe if I don't see you you don't see me.
So I guess what I'm thinking with this whole new year ahead, I think an idea of growth for me this year would be to love, to love boldly but with tenderness. To love with patience and grace. To pursue knowing the heart of others. To love others like I love this little scared kitty, gently and consistently. And to find joy in baby steps of trust and not focus on what has yet to be grown. I want to learn to love like that.
Stella tries to run and hide from all sorts imaginary dangers. It is amazingly difficult for her to trust the world to be safe. It takes intentionally seeking her out and holding her close over and over on a daily basis for her to begin to believe that I don't intend harm to her. Any sudden movement or noise sends her running for safety. A very interesting thing I have noticed is that if I cover her eyes when she is scared, she begins to relax a little. It seems like she thinks if she can't see us, we can't see her. I guess this could be like a kid hiding under their blankets so the monster under the bed can't get them.
To continue trying to grow trust with this little kitten has required unending tenderness and patience. To try and minimize the things that send her running in fear. To walk around with her inside my sweatshirt, so she can hide her eyes when she gets scared. I continue to go to great lengths to try and strengthen her trust, to get her to believe that I love her and won't intentionally hurt her. Even my kids get really quiet when we are calling her inside, in hopes that she will be willing to come. I spend a lot of time with this cat talking to her ever so gently, hoping there will come a time when my voice will seem safe to her, as opposed to just another sound to run from. I pursue the heart of this cat everyday, even when I am not seeing any progress. I continue to love her just as she is in a hope that someday life will feel better for her.
My point in all of this is very simple. If I can love a cat in this way, why do I find myself impatient with loving humans to this extent. I have relentlessly pursued the heart of this cat for an entire year with very minimal progress, but instead of seeing what she still in unable to do, I feel joy when she approaches me. Why is it so easy to get discouraged in continually reaching into the heart of people? Will I pursue the hearts of the ones I love with the same consistency? Will I really go to any length to reinforce trust? Even on the days that it seems one sided? Will I find joy in the baby steps of progress even if it is not yet to the grand idea of how it could be? Will I really love without expectation of reciprocation? Or am I going to pull away with pretend indifference and sit in hurt feelers?
I think my own life would be dramatically different if I could love others the way I love this cat. If all that mattered was pursuing their heart and taking baby steps of building trust. If my hopes were not set on being loved and pursued by anyone, be that friends, kids, husband, or cats. We are designed to be in relationship with others, to desire to know and be known by others. Some days to have this desire irritates me. Opening my heart, I act a bit like this scared cat. To live with an open heart in a world of imperfect people, means that it will hurt at times. Other times I'll get scared of being hurt even when there is no real danger and I will run and hide, or maybe stay put but hide my eyes like this cat, that maybe if I don't see you you don't see me.
So I guess what I'm thinking with this whole new year ahead, I think an idea of growth for me this year would be to love, to love boldly but with tenderness. To love with patience and grace. To pursue knowing the heart of others. To love others like I love this little scared kitty, gently and consistently. And to find joy in baby steps of trust and not focus on what has yet to be grown. I want to learn to love like that.