Beginning to believe that any natural response I have to life is completely upside down. That nothing is a simple as it seems, but that at the same time as I change my perspective, it is not all that complicated either.
If I see the world completely backwards, I am likely to have a much clearer vision of what's really going on. As I see simple things like the concept of forgiveness, that it sets the captive free only to discover that I was the captive not the person I was extending forgiveness to.
Or another idea of how to truly find hope, it is only in being completely aware of my hopeless human condition, that gives rise to the most amazing hope. By being at the very end of my own strength, I gain access to the source of unlimited strength and am able to utilize what is really available to me. Also in seeing what was given as laws of God long ago, the law was never created for us to be able to live up to it. What if the entire purpose of the laws was really there to show me that I am incapable of living out God's righteousness? Could it truly only have been put in place so I could be utterly aware of my own deficiencies, to allow me the sting of enough failure that I would be acutely aware that I can not save myself. To completely define my need for a Savior, that my incompleteness could be forever covered under His Completion. In the broken places, to see the pursuit of relentless love, that was willing to meet me where I am and give up everything to try to help me see that I am the one He loves. It's not enough to just simply say that He sacrificed His Human life, completely willing to die, to take my place, to give me His life in exchange for mine. But imagine the choice to set down being omnipotent, to step willingly out of the perfection of existing 100% in the Father's presence to come here, in such a helpless human condition. He became human, gave up God status, do not over look that this child had to have his diaper changed, had to learn to walk, fully dependent on someone feeding him, bathing him, had to learn to speak, had to go through puberty, had to walk through being a teenager, He was fully human. Giving up the glory of being God, to crawl around in the dirt as a toddler, to have to learn patience, love, understanding, He had to be taught who God was and had to learn who He was. He was not born with unlimited knowledge, I can only imagine how weird it would really be, in the moment that He finally knew that He was the one! Can you imagine with me, whether He ever doubted as He read the prophesies that pointed to Him. Was He afraid when He read for the first time about the torturous death He would face, did He feel discouraged when He saw the rejection He was going to face? Yet in the end He chose to go all the way, even knowing that many would never really believe that it was all for love.
I know that I so often think about all of this completely upside down. I try and try to work toward following the rules, trying to be of value to God. Only to become aware that the harder I try the further I am from where I was intending to be. It is only when I quit trying so hard and surrender, that I can live in the victorious life I already have.
When I quit trying to be right in my own eyes, begin to speak what is in my heart- right, wrong, misinterpreted, understood, cast aside or valued. It doesn't really matter so much. What I share is what I'm learning myself, so if I never speak of anything until I am concretely 100% certain of accuracy, I will be bound to silence forever since my mind takes a questioning stance on everything. I have found that as I spend more time understanding others, instead of demanding that they understand me, I find that a more heart-connected understanding is a natural result, not one I need to fight for. As I spend more time loving others, instead of seeking out how I can feel loved, the natural result is a much more in depth love. If I seek to offer comfort to others, instead of constantly searching for my own comfort, if I am willing to be uncomfortable for the sake of stepping into someone else's life, I find that the greater value is being comfortable in my own skin-lessening my need to seek comfort.
I'm thinking that life is more about the days that I wear bright pink underwear, knowing that in my secret places I am becoming alive. What other's assess on my outsides is subject to their own life experiences and likely has less to do with me than I am able to always see. There is always more than meets the eye in others and in myself. My shirt may never be pink, but growing to see myself as God sees me is a work in progress. There may come a time where my life shouts that I know who I am, but for now it is a slow learning and unlearning process. To stand in the light of God's presence fully aware of who He created me to be is a journey. Taking baby steps into being alive in the beauty of the woman I was intended to be, it is a trial and error process for sure. One thing is certain though: Because of the truth in the successful rescue mission, I can never be the same. I can never be one of the living dead again. And today, well I can wear pink underwear and be ok with it. Ha Ha Ha an be ok with you knowing too.
If I see the world completely backwards, I am likely to have a much clearer vision of what's really going on. As I see simple things like the concept of forgiveness, that it sets the captive free only to discover that I was the captive not the person I was extending forgiveness to.
Or another idea of how to truly find hope, it is only in being completely aware of my hopeless human condition, that gives rise to the most amazing hope. By being at the very end of my own strength, I gain access to the source of unlimited strength and am able to utilize what is really available to me. Also in seeing what was given as laws of God long ago, the law was never created for us to be able to live up to it. What if the entire purpose of the laws was really there to show me that I am incapable of living out God's righteousness? Could it truly only have been put in place so I could be utterly aware of my own deficiencies, to allow me the sting of enough failure that I would be acutely aware that I can not save myself. To completely define my need for a Savior, that my incompleteness could be forever covered under His Completion. In the broken places, to see the pursuit of relentless love, that was willing to meet me where I am and give up everything to try to help me see that I am the one He loves. It's not enough to just simply say that He sacrificed His Human life, completely willing to die, to take my place, to give me His life in exchange for mine. But imagine the choice to set down being omnipotent, to step willingly out of the perfection of existing 100% in the Father's presence to come here, in such a helpless human condition. He became human, gave up God status, do not over look that this child had to have his diaper changed, had to learn to walk, fully dependent on someone feeding him, bathing him, had to learn to speak, had to go through puberty, had to walk through being a teenager, He was fully human. Giving up the glory of being God, to crawl around in the dirt as a toddler, to have to learn patience, love, understanding, He had to be taught who God was and had to learn who He was. He was not born with unlimited knowledge, I can only imagine how weird it would really be, in the moment that He finally knew that He was the one! Can you imagine with me, whether He ever doubted as He read the prophesies that pointed to Him. Was He afraid when He read for the first time about the torturous death He would face, did He feel discouraged when He saw the rejection He was going to face? Yet in the end He chose to go all the way, even knowing that many would never really believe that it was all for love.
I know that I so often think about all of this completely upside down. I try and try to work toward following the rules, trying to be of value to God. Only to become aware that the harder I try the further I am from where I was intending to be. It is only when I quit trying so hard and surrender, that I can live in the victorious life I already have.
When I quit trying to be right in my own eyes, begin to speak what is in my heart- right, wrong, misinterpreted, understood, cast aside or valued. It doesn't really matter so much. What I share is what I'm learning myself, so if I never speak of anything until I am concretely 100% certain of accuracy, I will be bound to silence forever since my mind takes a questioning stance on everything. I have found that as I spend more time understanding others, instead of demanding that they understand me, I find that a more heart-connected understanding is a natural result, not one I need to fight for. As I spend more time loving others, instead of seeking out how I can feel loved, the natural result is a much more in depth love. If I seek to offer comfort to others, instead of constantly searching for my own comfort, if I am willing to be uncomfortable for the sake of stepping into someone else's life, I find that the greater value is being comfortable in my own skin-lessening my need to seek comfort.
I'm thinking that life is more about the days that I wear bright pink underwear, knowing that in my secret places I am becoming alive. What other's assess on my outsides is subject to their own life experiences and likely has less to do with me than I am able to always see. There is always more than meets the eye in others and in myself. My shirt may never be pink, but growing to see myself as God sees me is a work in progress. There may come a time where my life shouts that I know who I am, but for now it is a slow learning and unlearning process. To stand in the light of God's presence fully aware of who He created me to be is a journey. Taking baby steps into being alive in the beauty of the woman I was intended to be, it is a trial and error process for sure. One thing is certain though: Because of the truth in the successful rescue mission, I can never be the same. I can never be one of the living dead again. And today, well I can wear pink underwear and be ok with it. Ha Ha Ha an be ok with you knowing too.