Sometimes I wonder about how well I can hear. I can listen to your words, but am I at all aware of what your heart is telling me? I've heard many times that I was given two ears and one mouth, so I could listen twice as much as I speak. Not sure how that actually works in my life, but in theory it sounds good.
Sometimes I can not be listening even when I'm not talking. I could acknowledge your words but instead of listening I am already in my head preparing my own response to what I don't even hear you saying. Therefore if we are talking about something and you are doing the same thing, we could be having two entirely different conversations and only talking to ourselves. Self, self, self is my only focus during these types of discussions.
Even in talking with God, my words seem to dominate this one sided conversation. My little monologue of self. Am I talking to God because I really want His input, or is it more that there is no one else there to hear my words so why not talk to Him about it? If I struggle to actually hear the heart of a human speaking to me, how much harder is it to still my own thoughts and expect to hear God.
It seems that any certain concept God is trying to make me aware of, it has to be repeated over and over in a variety of human forms of communication before it ever occurs to me that maybe God is trying to get my attention.
There is another factor at play in my inability to hear God's voice, I have been conditioned to view myself under an idea of mental illness. I've heard many people crack jokes saying, if we are talking to God it's called praying, but if God is talking to us it's called schizophrenia. It amazes me how resistant I become to listen when it is referenced as crazy. There are many voices I could choose to listen to, but interpreting what is God and what is not at times is difficult. If I really spoke of what lives in my head and heart, I would most likely be locked up with the key thrown away. But from the many people I talk with regularly, I know I'm not the only one.
I know that I am often vulnerable to hearing lies placed into my mind by an enemy who wants to sabotage my trust in God. If God's character comes into question, if my own identity becomes confused, if I begin to doubt things that I know to be concrete truth, these things are definitely not God's voice. I have heard and read many times that God is not a God of confusion, so if what is running through my head is confusion- then it's not God. I'm not sure why it's easier to define what is not from God, maybe it's just that I have more experience listening to things that are not of God.
My prayer today is to hear, not just words but the heart behind the words. I need bigger ears. When my children speak what sounds like chaos, I want to hear what their hearts are saying. I want to not drown out God's words with my own disbelief or my own misinterpretation. If I believe that God is unchanging, I want to be open to hearing a burning bush speak or even a donkey. If I have to grow Dumbo's ears to hear, today I'm ok with that. If I have to look silly or let you think I'm insane, it doesn't matter. I need to be willing to go to any length. I long to hear.
Sometimes I can not be listening even when I'm not talking. I could acknowledge your words but instead of listening I am already in my head preparing my own response to what I don't even hear you saying. Therefore if we are talking about something and you are doing the same thing, we could be having two entirely different conversations and only talking to ourselves. Self, self, self is my only focus during these types of discussions.
Even in talking with God, my words seem to dominate this one sided conversation. My little monologue of self. Am I talking to God because I really want His input, or is it more that there is no one else there to hear my words so why not talk to Him about it? If I struggle to actually hear the heart of a human speaking to me, how much harder is it to still my own thoughts and expect to hear God.
It seems that any certain concept God is trying to make me aware of, it has to be repeated over and over in a variety of human forms of communication before it ever occurs to me that maybe God is trying to get my attention.
There is another factor at play in my inability to hear God's voice, I have been conditioned to view myself under an idea of mental illness. I've heard many people crack jokes saying, if we are talking to God it's called praying, but if God is talking to us it's called schizophrenia. It amazes me how resistant I become to listen when it is referenced as crazy. There are many voices I could choose to listen to, but interpreting what is God and what is not at times is difficult. If I really spoke of what lives in my head and heart, I would most likely be locked up with the key thrown away. But from the many people I talk with regularly, I know I'm not the only one.
I know that I am often vulnerable to hearing lies placed into my mind by an enemy who wants to sabotage my trust in God. If God's character comes into question, if my own identity becomes confused, if I begin to doubt things that I know to be concrete truth, these things are definitely not God's voice. I have heard and read many times that God is not a God of confusion, so if what is running through my head is confusion- then it's not God. I'm not sure why it's easier to define what is not from God, maybe it's just that I have more experience listening to things that are not of God.
My prayer today is to hear, not just words but the heart behind the words. I need bigger ears. When my children speak what sounds like chaos, I want to hear what their hearts are saying. I want to not drown out God's words with my own disbelief or my own misinterpretation. If I believe that God is unchanging, I want to be open to hearing a burning bush speak or even a donkey. If I have to grow Dumbo's ears to hear, today I'm ok with that. If I have to look silly or let you think I'm insane, it doesn't matter. I need to be willing to go to any length. I long to hear.