I titled this "What's wrong?" because I find this question to be completely irritating, if I am to be honest here. The scenarios in which this question seems to pop up the most are those in which it appears that the person asking is uncomfortable in the manner in which something is being expressed in another human being. Sometimes it is the result of a facial expression, or tears, or really any outwardly observable action. Suddenly bringing the question asker to the awareness that they might be lacking a piece of information because their current response to the moment at hand is different than the other person's expression, which is immediately labeled as wrong.
Why do we approach people like this?
Everyone could probably come up with something in their lives that is not currently going perfectly and commence the retelling of all of that. Or they could immediately correct whatever caused the outward alarm and try to be convincing that all is well. But, I'm wondering why we insist on cornering people into either lying, or retelling all the negative, often to follow that up with some sort of cliche of seeing the positive and keeping their head up.
So we ask people for their negatives and then become critical at how negative they are, when they were not even speaking in the first place.
I've been watching a phenomena for a really long time. I've noticed it mostly in regard to how uncomfortable people become around emotions or life issues that don't have a clean cut resolve in solution or direction or are simply long and drawn out or painful, people would just prefer to not be exposed to them. There is not a place of simple response and move on. If they can't fix it they'd rather not have to look at it and remember that we live in a broken world.
If a person is crying, we will do whatever it takes in the moment, just to get them to stop. We may ask what's wrong, but is our intent to fix it, or to listen, or to understand?
I'm not a huge fan of crying around other people, but I'm discovering it's more because of how much I dislike this question than how much I dislike crying. Maybe tears are more about what is being made right by allowing them, than about what is wrong.
We live in this funny little world, where people speak words like "Be yourself" and "Be Vulnerable" and repeatedly tell other people how important it is to be "real". I hear of things like a safe place of community where people are open and honest with each other. I watch how we all share our best faces with each other, how we openly share things after we have victory over them. We expose struggle as if its some foreign language that no one can understand.
We share on Facebook our finished project, our finest moments, our favorite things, and people think they know us. They know our shiny side, but not the 50 failed attempts that got there. Not the long painful process of becoming. We as a society have no value for weakness. Only our strength is held in public view.
I was raised to get up and keep on no matter what. And I've paid a high price for the stubbornness of my own persistence. Yes determination and perseverance do have merit, but they really are not a place of boasting. They create weakness also.
How does God's strength become revealed, if we only speak hope. If tears are never seen or weakness never noticed, is it only after all is made well that God is glorified?
I wonder sometimes between the Psalmest David, and the writings of Paul, if there is something different to be seen. The Psalms are riddled with whining and complaining and insistence that God do something about all this mess, yet nearly always end with praise and gratitude for God's faithfulness and love. Paul just affirms that whatever it is God's got a grip on it, but still clarifies his circumstances lest anyone forget that they've got nothing to complain about, but to be glad in. Neither of these guys spend anytime at all being silent about what's really going on around, but also speak of what God is doing in them to keep them right.
2 Corinthians 12:8-10(NKJV)
8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
What would be so wrong with simply changing the game by changing the question.
I see God is making something right, do you want to talk about it?